Passion

So, ive been reading this great book, "The History of Love" by Nicole Krauss, that i mentioned in my previous post and i've come to think a lot about Love. Well, in a non pertaining to a relationship between a man and a woman, but Passion.

This last weeek, i've been trying to improve the "quality" of my life. Yea, Quality, what does that mean? I think, im thinking in terms of accomplishing things and just experiencing life to its fullest, not experiencing everything possible, but finding out what things you love and dont and focus on those things. I guess finding what your interests are and actively pursuing them. I think i have a lot of little passions in my life. And in a general, broader way of approaching it, i think my passion is to help others. In all the things that involve the thing that is my life, in some sort of way im helping others. Some people say they want to change the world is some way, make an impact. i think id be fine just doing day to day stuff for people who need it. Is that weird. Its not much of a passion, i guess there's not that much ambition in it, but i think its something i do best. maybe not. Sometimes i think im selfish and think what if all these things that i do when im not doing my "passion" what if im thinking too selfishly? My mother once told me i lack selfishness. She says, "you need to be selfish sometimes for your own good, do something that helps you! Then you can help others" I end up thinking about that a lot. In order to help others, i need to improve myself. It sounds simple enough, but its really difficult. I find its much easier to help others than yourself.

.......................................................................................................................................................

i thought about her again. Am i messing up? Should i not like her, because she has a boyfriend. Man, im really bad, i shouldnt be doing this. Im not deliberately going out with her or anything, i guess just as a friend im seeing her on occasion. Is it wrong to want them to break up? hahaha, ehhh....... man im a lonely lonely guy. sigh~ i want a girlfriend.